Why am I here? I can't begin to count how many times I've asked myself this question. Actually the question is, "Why Am I STILL Here?" Over the past two dozen months, I have constantly wondered why God spared my life. Each morning that I awake, I thank God for waking me and I thank Him for sparing my life on December 21, 2020. But why? Why did He spare me? What is so special about my life?
I guess the real question I'm asking is, "what's my purpose?" What was I placed on this earth to do? I can't begin to tell you how many times I have prayed and asked the Lord to reveal to me my purpose and to allow me to walk boldly in it. I've prayed this prayer before and after my accident. Prior to the accident, I thought, or maybe it was just convenient to assume, my purpose was to positively influence the lives of the students I teach.
At one point after the accident, on a weekly basis I would get people complementing me on how well my recovery was going. They would always mention how strong I was and that I was an inspiration to them. I wondered if all these people telling me these things was God's way of telling me my purpose is to inspire others.
It was late summer of 2021 that I concluded and believed my new purpose in life was to inspire people. Then came the question of "How?" The question of how did not really bother me though. From listening to several motivational speakers over the years and in particular Les Brown and Steve Harvey, I knew that "the how" should not be my concern. I just needed to do the work. What was "The Work" you ask? I decided that the work would be just living my life and continuing to challenge myself in various areas of my life. Continuing to P.U.S.H. through the physical, emotional, and mental pain that I exerperince.
Here we are, more than a year and a half later and I still question "what is my purpose?" I constantly feel an emptiness inside. I often feel like there is something I should be doing or a goal I should be working towards but I don't know exactly what. Author, motivational speaker, and lifestyle coach Angela Patterson refers to this as "The Devine Ache." That's the best way I can describe it. An ache that won't go away. It sometimes leads to me having anxiety overload. The only thing that seems to calm it is reading my daily devotional and prayer.
Maybe my purpose really is to inspire and motivate others. Maybe subconsciously I hope or wish it to be something else. Or maybe I just need someone to definitively tell me my purpose. I've set a goal to participate in the USA Para Cycling National Road Championships. Will this help my fulfill my purpose? Writing this blog entry has allowed me to do some much needed reflection. I will continue to face my many challenges and aim to thrive and not just survive.
Until Next Time...
P.U.S.H. Because No One Fights Alone. #WrightStrong
Persevere Until Something Happens (P.U.S.H.)
